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+--- Thread: My life is cursed to be dull (/showthread.php?tid=2439)
My life is cursed to be dull - Parakarry - 06-14-2020
Warning: This post is going to be pretty... ranty. And quite long. And a little bit of bitter.
There's something I'm really starting to realize and feel, and it can be extrapolated to my life in general.
I've always liked board games, but have very, very rarely gotten to play them. This is primarily out of disinterest from others in the house where I am.
Watching Joel and Vinny from Vinesauce play that 51 board games game on the Switch got me curious to look into some of the games on there that I've never heard about, specifically Carrom, cause I don't know how that's played.
I found a site talking about it, and selling carrom equipment as well as other board games and things.
And as I'm reading more and more about these games I've never heard of, and wondering how fun it would be to try them out, I start to feel... resentment. Maybe jealousy.
Because I'm apparently cursed to never get the opportunity to play things like this with anyone. No one cares, no one is interested, everyone is busy with X or Z, you name the reason why.
And you would think that a forced quarentene would be the absolute best time to play things like this. But although I havent asked and inquired, Im nearly 100% positive everyone I can ask will say no. Because i just can't be allowed to try different fun things now, can I.
It honestly makes me a little... bitter the more I think about it.
For years in the past, any inquiry about something like this will nearly get 100% no.
No, no interest.
No, too much work.
No, watching TV show.
No, dinner is about ready.
No, it's almost time to go to bed.
No, sounds boring.
I've always felt this level of stifling before, be it something like board games or even a place I would read about to check out as a group. This was the case even before the pandemic. But now DURING the pandemic, it's even worse.
So i will always be resigned to reading about such things, and merely wonder how fun they would be to try out.
Because I have no real life friends.*
And anything I do anymore that requires even the slightest amount of effort or exists a drive away, like a fair, or some event going on, I do alone.
Almost without fail, anything that involves actually putting any modicum of effort or taking a drive somewhere to some location,it's always the same thing.
No one interested.
And until recently, I've never driven more than 30 miles away from where i live. Last summer I finally summoned the gumption to be able to drive 60 miles away, to go to a water park. I took a rental car, and while I was pretty nervous, it felt so good, the adventure and curiosity of driving so far. the first night i ever stayed at a hotel just by myself.
but now with the pandemic, those places are either closed, or are a very bad idea to go to, even if open. A decision you would have to be super super careful about.
So nowhere to go, no one willing to do nearly anything, even the ones that sound like fun or good ideas, never going to happen.
Hey the county to the north has real low virus counts. want to head to the dunes beach state park there? Something to do and get outdoors?
No.
This three mile trail that's a few minutes drive from here? Something I've inquired about maybe a dozen times since last year?
No.
I want to be able to escape from the mediocrity I've become sentenced to.
But I can't. And no one seems to be interested in helping that. And that trail I mentioned? I've finally resolved to go on it... you guessed it. Alone. Again.
And back to the board games, you would think with this virus going on this would really be the perfect time to do some things like this. But you would have an easier time controlling the weather then getting anyone I talk to on a regular basis interested in something fun sounding like this.
In fact on the rare instances where I get a yes reply to something I want to check out, it's unreal and it takes me aback.
So when I see all these games being played, I see a world I'm seemingly not allowed to enter. When I see people enjoying things together, at best, I imagine what it would be like. At worst... I get envious.
It even extends to watching things online.
I've watched some of the streamer GeePM's Mario Party CPU games with others, where everyone picked a CPU, and depending on their actions, you would have to drink. Their commentary is real funny. It sounds like it would be a fun atmospehere to be in, but doing something even close to that requires having more than one friend you talk to online on a regular basis.
Even watching James and Mike on Cinemassacre doing their James and Mike Mondays. They're doing things. They're enjoying things. I don't have that experience.
Oh and I'm even remembering similar instances from years ago.
There was a thing at a park years ago during the summer where they would have a play put on at an outdoor theater. Hours before it started, people would just be in the park. I was 12 or something, and there were these kids playing something, some catch game with a large ball. Even though I tried to, I couldn't get myself incorporated into the group, it was like I was either ignored or my presence was a bother.
There are other similar smaller instances like this I'm starting to remember too, where I would get told no to something I was curious to partake in, like this one person on a school bus ride home who had this electronic word games thing, and wouldn't let me try it out.
The cumulative similarity of these experiences sticks with me as I think about all this.
Rejection is my life.
My bar is set so low that almost anything can be seen as even somewhat adventurous. Even just checking out some town or location I've never gone to is intriguing enough for me.
Nope, I'm doomed to a life of mediocrity and dullness.
You would think with reading this post, it sounds like something written by an obnoxious 12 year old or something who wants people to do things with him.
...I'm 34.
PS: Yes, I'm fully aware that there are multiplayer online things available, even in that 51 Board Games game on the switch. But that's nonetheless faceless online players you don't converse with and don't know. And I don't know if that's enough to what I truely desire. Maybe if it was a group of MFGGers who all know who I am and not just some random people, it could be something more meaningful.
*When I say no friends, I mean that yes, there are people I talk to on a semi-regular basis, primarily at my job, depending on who is there and what my mood is. But none of them are on a basis where I would feel comfortable doing things outside the normal sphere with. It doesn't help that I'm a slight bit autistic, just enough where I just feel unable to really dive in.
RE: My life is cursed to be dull - Evil Yoshi Toes - 06-14-2020
Sorry you're going through this. Loneliness sucks especially during this time.
I don't know your entire situation and I don't know if you're even looking for opinions - if not I suppose you can ignore this - so I'm just going off of what I've read here. I'm not saying any of this to invalidate how you feel or to tell you to get over it, I just think it may help since I've been in a similar place. In fact I was in a similar place most of my life until a few years ago.
It sounds like you just really need to put yourself out there with people. You say you have people at work who you talk to but don't feel comfortable with yet, but the only way to become comfortable with a person is to plunge into a period of discomfort. If you remain too afraid of that initial discomfort and you don't pursue the friendship it might never happen. Perhaps these people already have a comfortable amount of friends so they aren't actively pursuing more. That would mean it's up to you to initiate the friendship. People say friendship should be 50/50 and you should meet each other halfway and I do think that's mostly true once the relationship is stable, but in the beginning it might be more like you putting in 90% of the effort if the person is not pursuing new friendships to being with.
If you just don't like the people you interact with everyday (meaning you really dislike them. Especially if you're lonely there is value in pursuing people who you aren't too sure about because you never know, it might turn out that despite many differences you get along fantastically), you can join more online communities. Of course joining them isn't enough, you'd have to actively pursue friends and make that effort, which, like in real life, almost always starts off uncomfortable. I don't believe online friends can substitute real life interactions, but it's something.
And if you really are putting yourself out there but people just don't want to be friends with you then that could mean you aren't putting yourself out there in an effective way, and that's something you can learn about and practice. But it sounds more like the issue is a fear of that initial discomfort.
Also, who are you asking? You said you don't have real life friends, so are you asking family members to play games with you? Whatever the case, it's important to note that people are more likely to do things with you that you want to do if you do the same for them. And if you do do the same for them and they don't reciprocate, you should bring that up to them.
RE: My life is cursed to be dull - VinnyVideo - 06-14-2020
Oh man, I can relate to this so much. For various reasons, it's been hard for me to make close friends - the kinds of people you'd go out and do something fun with. I've collected plenty of casual acquaintances over the years, and I believe most of them think I'm a kind of decent person who doesn't smell like a dead fish or anything. However, I'm surrounded by people who are married and have kids, and people like that usually have no interest in expanding their social circles - especially with someone who's single. These problems are exacerbated by the pandemic and "social distancing" advisories.
I'm probably the worst possible person to offer advice for this particular problem, but I sure can empathize with your situation. I think EYT has some good tips. You can look into meetups in your area. Try different groups and activities, and try to get outside your comfort zone a little, and you might find some people you "click" with.
RE: My life is cursed to be dull - King Piranha Plant - 08-11-2020
I 100% can back up what Evil Yoshi Toes said about discomfort. in my own experience. Though I can't imagine what you're going through PK, and I know all experiences are different, I should throw this out there. (and keep in mind quarantine is horrible and certainly makes all of this harder, but nonetheless) --
A lot of my life has been spent feeling incredibly lonely and it didn't change until I became, honestly? Obsessed with getting uncomfortable. I was bored with everyone around me in life. And when I wasn't bored, I did experience rejection. I started to realize, with the sheer number of people and experiences on this planet, there were absolutely opportunities, friendships, and experiences out there waiting for me that would be perfectly great. I was just over-immersed in my comfort zone, bored with everyone around me, and needed to break the barriers.
I had to realize embarrassment and awkwardness are neutral. They're practically nothing. And they can't hurt you. You can go to events that scare you, say things to yourself like "I'm scared and that's okay," and awkwardly say hi to people. It isn't easy, and it's still something I can only muster the courage to do at certain times, but I realized I could approach people, laugh at myself while saying things like "I don't know anyone here so I thought I'd say hi!" It's also not uncommon to legitimately look up advice online about small talk, just to hack those difficult first encounter walls.
Even if you go to something and don't talk to anyone / just stick to the background, it's productive. It changes your life pattern with a new action, puts you in a new environment.
If you go to something, do all that, and experience rejection, or just nothing at all, it's neutral. I've gone to events where I was awkward, didn't meet anyone, and left really wanting to just be back at home. But then you don't give up, you try again. Thus, vice versa, I've gone to events (sometimes the same events) where suddenly it was the total opposite, I made a super close friend, or talked to a lot of people. I've noticed the vibe is always different too. You can't count on your one brave moment of discomfort bringing you a new friend. So you have to have MANY moments of discomfort. And just keep going. If you keep doing it, it brings change.
Meeting people online is even better (since we're all weirdos here, and personally without other weirdos in life I feel lonely as heck lol), but you really want to try and look in communities where you know people will want to become real life friends. For example, in the case of tabletop gaming / board games, most cities have actual communities and places where strangers meet up to play board games. If you can find the nearest tabletop gaming store (even if it's many miles away), just ask the people there if they have events or community, and more than likely they'll have stuff going on.
I know it's difficult as hell and this advice can seem useless, especially if you just need a place to rant. Especially during quarantine where these things are harder / sometimes impossible until it ends. But remember we're just humans -- people need each other.
RE: My life is cursed to be dull - Pedigree - 08-13-2020
Have you ever considered chatting with others over group chats like Discord? I'm sure you could make some friends that way and there's always video calls if you want to speak with someone face to face.
RE: My life is cursed to be dull - Yakibomb - 08-14-2020
Helloo, PK! It's wonderful you're branching out, and if it helps at all, I'm in a similar (but not the same) situation at the moment.
This isn't really the advice but it's something. I'm taking the "out of sight, out of mind" approach -- at least for short bursts -- People don't need to exist in my world because I don't let them in intentionally. So in those bursts I don't let them in, I work on myself -- and this is a time for healing and reflectivity. Kind of like in a game, "What can I do to improve my next situation?" and the clearer your mind, the easier it is to grasp what it is you want to see.
It might sound weird, but I'll say it anyway: Your post helped me respond to some utterances in I've been having about social contact. So, thanks.
(Also, I do want to call out that you can't be "a bit autistic", you are or you aren't.)