The Forum Game Adventures of John Q. Knutsack

[Roo]

You venture into the depths of the basement, armed only with your trusty fidget spinnerino. A horrific monster would certainly be useful for your plans, especially if you could get more than one...

However, after investigating the basement for a while, you're forced to conclude that the rumors of a monster lurking there were greatly exaggerated. However, right as you're about to give up and leave, you hear a hissing noise behind you. You turn around...



...and notice a snake there. It's not quite a monster, but you suppose it could be useful for... something. You ask it if it wants to join your quest, and it shrugs as best as a snake can. "Do you have a dental plan?" it asks back. You tell it that the best it's going to get is a pair of rusty pliers in its mouth. It shrugs again. "Good enough. Name's Jake, by the way. Jake the Snake."



After shaking hands and tongues, you ask Jake if he knows any cool Krinkleville secrets. "I was married to the ex-mayor's aide for six years, so I'm definitely in the know," he replies. You decide not to ask if the aide was a snake too or not. You then ask if he wants to participate in a breeding program to create an army of Jakes. "No," he replies. "One me is enough, thanks."



Anyway, you have obtained another friend (for realsies this time)!

Your inventory consists of:
One (1) mayoral sash
One (1) top hat
One (1) poorly drawn handgun hidden inside your top hat
Some change in your left pocket
A wallet in your back pocket
A fidget spinner in your sleeve
A friend (figuratively)
A friend (literally)

What will you do next?

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