08-11-2020, 05:00 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-11-2020, 05:10 PM by King Piranha Plant.)
I 100% can back up what Evil Yoshi Toes said about discomfort. in my own experience. Though I can't imagine what you're going through PK, and I know all experiences are different, I should throw this out there. (and keep in mind quarantine is horrible and certainly makes all of this harder, but nonetheless) --
A lot of my life has been spent feeling incredibly lonely and it didn't change until I became, honestly? Obsessed with getting uncomfortable. I was bored with everyone around me in life. And when I wasn't bored, I did experience rejection. I started to realize, with the sheer number of people and experiences on this planet, there were absolutely opportunities, friendships, and experiences out there waiting for me that would be perfectly great. I was just over-immersed in my comfort zone, bored with everyone around me, and needed to break the barriers.
I had to realize embarrassment and awkwardness are neutral. They're practically nothing. And they can't hurt you. You can go to events that scare you, say things to yourself like "I'm scared and that's okay," and awkwardly say hi to people. It isn't easy, and it's still something I can only muster the courage to do at certain times, but I realized I could approach people, laugh at myself while saying things like "I don't know anyone here so I thought I'd say hi!" It's also not uncommon to legitimately look up advice online about small talk, just to hack those difficult first encounter walls.
Even if you go to something and don't talk to anyone / just stick to the background, it's productive. It changes your life pattern with a new action, puts you in a new environment.
If you go to something, do all that, and experience rejection, or just nothing at all, it's neutral. I've gone to events where I was awkward, didn't meet anyone, and left really wanting to just be back at home. But then you don't give up, you try again. Thus, vice versa, I've gone to events (sometimes the same events) where suddenly it was the total opposite, I made a super close friend, or talked to a lot of people. I've noticed the vibe is always different too. You can't count on your one brave moment of discomfort bringing you a new friend. So you have to have MANY moments of discomfort. And just keep going. If you keep doing it, it brings change.
Meeting people online is even better (since we're all weirdos here, and personally without other weirdos in life I feel lonely as heck lol), but you really want to try and look in communities where you know people will want to become real life friends. For example, in the case of tabletop gaming / board games, most cities have actual communities and places where strangers meet up to play board games. If you can find the nearest tabletop gaming store (even if it's many miles away), just ask the people there if they have events or community, and more than likely they'll have stuff going on.
I know it's difficult as hell and this advice can seem useless, especially if you just need a place to rant. Especially during quarantine where these things are harder / sometimes impossible until it ends. But remember we're just humans -- people need each other.
A lot of my life has been spent feeling incredibly lonely and it didn't change until I became, honestly? Obsessed with getting uncomfortable. I was bored with everyone around me in life. And when I wasn't bored, I did experience rejection. I started to realize, with the sheer number of people and experiences on this planet, there were absolutely opportunities, friendships, and experiences out there waiting for me that would be perfectly great. I was just over-immersed in my comfort zone, bored with everyone around me, and needed to break the barriers.
I had to realize embarrassment and awkwardness are neutral. They're practically nothing. And they can't hurt you. You can go to events that scare you, say things to yourself like "I'm scared and that's okay," and awkwardly say hi to people. It isn't easy, and it's still something I can only muster the courage to do at certain times, but I realized I could approach people, laugh at myself while saying things like "I don't know anyone here so I thought I'd say hi!" It's also not uncommon to legitimately look up advice online about small talk, just to hack those difficult first encounter walls.
Even if you go to something and don't talk to anyone / just stick to the background, it's productive. It changes your life pattern with a new action, puts you in a new environment.
If you go to something, do all that, and experience rejection, or just nothing at all, it's neutral. I've gone to events where I was awkward, didn't meet anyone, and left really wanting to just be back at home. But then you don't give up, you try again. Thus, vice versa, I've gone to events (sometimes the same events) where suddenly it was the total opposite, I made a super close friend, or talked to a lot of people. I've noticed the vibe is always different too. You can't count on your one brave moment of discomfort bringing you a new friend. So you have to have MANY moments of discomfort. And just keep going. If you keep doing it, it brings change.
Meeting people online is even better (since we're all weirdos here, and personally without other weirdos in life I feel lonely as heck lol), but you really want to try and look in communities where you know people will want to become real life friends. For example, in the case of tabletop gaming / board games, most cities have actual communities and places where strangers meet up to play board games. If you can find the nearest tabletop gaming store (even if it's many miles away), just ask the people there if they have events or community, and more than likely they'll have stuff going on.
I know it's difficult as hell and this advice can seem useless, especially if you just need a place to rant. Especially during quarantine where these things are harder / sometimes impossible until it ends. But remember we're just humans -- people need each other.
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