06-14-2020, 04:24 AM
(This post was last modified: 06-14-2020, 04:30 AM by Parakarry. Edited 1 time in total.)
Warning: This post is going to be pretty... ranty. And quite long. And a little bit of bitter.
There's something I'm really starting to realize and feel, and it can be extrapolated to my life in general.
I've always liked board games, but have very, very rarely gotten to play them. This is primarily out of disinterest from others in the house where I am.
Watching Joel and Vinny from Vinesauce play that 51 board games game on the Switch got me curious to look into some of the games on there that I've never heard about, specifically Carrom, cause I don't know how that's played.
I found a site talking about it, and selling carrom equipment as well as other board games and things.
And as I'm reading more and more about these games I've never heard of, and wondering how fun it would be to try them out, I start to feel... resentment. Maybe jealousy.
Because I'm apparently cursed to never get the opportunity to play things like this with anyone. No one cares, no one is interested, everyone is busy with X or Z, you name the reason why.
And you would think that a forced quarentene would be the absolute best time to play things like this. But although I havent asked and inquired, Im nearly 100% positive everyone I can ask will say no. Because i just can't be allowed to try different fun things now, can I.
It honestly makes me a little... bitter the more I think about it.
For years in the past, any inquiry about something like this will nearly get 100% no.
No, no interest.
No, too much work.
No, watching TV show.
No, dinner is about ready.
No, it's almost time to go to bed.
No, sounds boring.
I've always felt this level of stifling before, be it something like board games or even a place I would read about to check out as a group. This was the case even before the pandemic. But now DURING the pandemic, it's even worse.
So i will always be resigned to reading about such things, and merely wonder how fun they would be to try out.
Because I have no real life friends.*
And anything I do anymore that requires even the slightest amount of effort or exists a drive away, like a fair, or some event going on, I do alone.
Almost without fail, anything that involves actually putting any modicum of effort or taking a drive somewhere to some location,it's always the same thing.
No one interested.
And until recently, I've never driven more than 30 miles away from where i live. Last summer I finally summoned the gumption to be able to drive 60 miles away, to go to a water park. I took a rental car, and while I was pretty nervous, it felt so good, the adventure and curiosity of driving so far. the first night i ever stayed at a hotel just by myself.
but now with the pandemic, those places are either closed, or are a very bad idea to go to, even if open. A decision you would have to be super super careful about.
So nowhere to go, no one willing to do nearly anything, even the ones that sound like fun or good ideas, never going to happen.
Hey the county to the north has real low virus counts. want to head to the dunes beach state park there? Something to do and get outdoors?
No.
This three mile trail that's a few minutes drive from here? Something I've inquired about maybe a dozen times since last year?
No.
I want to be able to escape from the mediocrity I've become sentenced to.
But I can't. And no one seems to be interested in helping that. And that trail I mentioned? I've finally resolved to go on it... you guessed it. Alone. Again.
And back to the board games, you would think with this virus going on this would really be the perfect time to do some things like this. But you would have an easier time controlling the weather then getting anyone I talk to on a regular basis interested in something fun sounding like this.
In fact on the rare instances where I get a yes reply to something I want to check out, it's unreal and it takes me aback.
So when I see all these games being played, I see a world I'm seemingly not allowed to enter. When I see people enjoying things together, at best, I imagine what it would be like. At worst... I get envious.
It even extends to watching things online.
I've watched some of the streamer GeePM's Mario Party CPU games with others, where everyone picked a CPU, and depending on their actions, you would have to drink. Their commentary is real funny. It sounds like it would be a fun atmospehere to be in, but doing something even close to that requires having more than one friend you talk to online on a regular basis.
Even watching James and Mike on Cinemassacre doing their James and Mike Mondays. They're doing things. They're enjoying things. I don't have that experience.
Oh and I'm even remembering similar instances from years ago.
There was a thing at a park years ago during the summer where they would have a play put on at an outdoor theater. Hours before it started, people would just be in the park. I was 12 or something, and there were these kids playing something, some catch game with a large ball. Even though I tried to, I couldn't get myself incorporated into the group, it was like I was either ignored or my presence was a bother.
There are other similar smaller instances like this I'm starting to remember too, where I would get told no to something I was curious to partake in, like this one person on a school bus ride home who had this electronic word games thing, and wouldn't let me try it out.
The cumulative similarity of these experiences sticks with me as I think about all this.
Rejection is my life.
My bar is set so low that almost anything can be seen as even somewhat adventurous. Even just checking out some town or location I've never gone to is intriguing enough for me.
Nope, I'm doomed to a life of mediocrity and dullness.
You would think with reading this post, it sounds like something written by an obnoxious 12 year old or something who wants people to do things with him.
...I'm 34.
PS: Yes, I'm fully aware that there are multiplayer online things available, even in that 51 Board Games game on the switch. But that's nonetheless faceless online players you don't converse with and don't know. And I don't know if that's enough to what I truely desire. Maybe if it was a group of MFGGers who all know who I am and not just some random people, it could be something more meaningful.
*When I say no friends, I mean that yes, there are people I talk to on a semi-regular basis, primarily at my job, depending on who is there and what my mood is. But none of them are on a basis where I would feel comfortable doing things outside the normal sphere with. It doesn't help that I'm a slight bit autistic, just enough where I just feel unable to really dive in.
There's something I'm really starting to realize and feel, and it can be extrapolated to my life in general.
I've always liked board games, but have very, very rarely gotten to play them. This is primarily out of disinterest from others in the house where I am.
Watching Joel and Vinny from Vinesauce play that 51 board games game on the Switch got me curious to look into some of the games on there that I've never heard about, specifically Carrom, cause I don't know how that's played.
I found a site talking about it, and selling carrom equipment as well as other board games and things.
And as I'm reading more and more about these games I've never heard of, and wondering how fun it would be to try them out, I start to feel... resentment. Maybe jealousy.
Because I'm apparently cursed to never get the opportunity to play things like this with anyone. No one cares, no one is interested, everyone is busy with X or Z, you name the reason why.
And you would think that a forced quarentene would be the absolute best time to play things like this. But although I havent asked and inquired, Im nearly 100% positive everyone I can ask will say no. Because i just can't be allowed to try different fun things now, can I.
It honestly makes me a little... bitter the more I think about it.
For years in the past, any inquiry about something like this will nearly get 100% no.
No, no interest.
No, too much work.
No, watching TV show.
No, dinner is about ready.
No, it's almost time to go to bed.
No, sounds boring.
I've always felt this level of stifling before, be it something like board games or even a place I would read about to check out as a group. This was the case even before the pandemic. But now DURING the pandemic, it's even worse.
So i will always be resigned to reading about such things, and merely wonder how fun they would be to try out.
Because I have no real life friends.*
And anything I do anymore that requires even the slightest amount of effort or exists a drive away, like a fair, or some event going on, I do alone.
Almost without fail, anything that involves actually putting any modicum of effort or taking a drive somewhere to some location,it's always the same thing.
No one interested.
And until recently, I've never driven more than 30 miles away from where i live. Last summer I finally summoned the gumption to be able to drive 60 miles away, to go to a water park. I took a rental car, and while I was pretty nervous, it felt so good, the adventure and curiosity of driving so far. the first night i ever stayed at a hotel just by myself.
but now with the pandemic, those places are either closed, or are a very bad idea to go to, even if open. A decision you would have to be super super careful about.
So nowhere to go, no one willing to do nearly anything, even the ones that sound like fun or good ideas, never going to happen.
Hey the county to the north has real low virus counts. want to head to the dunes beach state park there? Something to do and get outdoors?
No.
This three mile trail that's a few minutes drive from here? Something I've inquired about maybe a dozen times since last year?
No.
I want to be able to escape from the mediocrity I've become sentenced to.
But I can't. And no one seems to be interested in helping that. And that trail I mentioned? I've finally resolved to go on it... you guessed it. Alone. Again.
And back to the board games, you would think with this virus going on this would really be the perfect time to do some things like this. But you would have an easier time controlling the weather then getting anyone I talk to on a regular basis interested in something fun sounding like this.
In fact on the rare instances where I get a yes reply to something I want to check out, it's unreal and it takes me aback.
So when I see all these games being played, I see a world I'm seemingly not allowed to enter. When I see people enjoying things together, at best, I imagine what it would be like. At worst... I get envious.
It even extends to watching things online.
I've watched some of the streamer GeePM's Mario Party CPU games with others, where everyone picked a CPU, and depending on their actions, you would have to drink. Their commentary is real funny. It sounds like it would be a fun atmospehere to be in, but doing something even close to that requires having more than one friend you talk to online on a regular basis.
Even watching James and Mike on Cinemassacre doing their James and Mike Mondays. They're doing things. They're enjoying things. I don't have that experience.
Oh and I'm even remembering similar instances from years ago.
There was a thing at a park years ago during the summer where they would have a play put on at an outdoor theater. Hours before it started, people would just be in the park. I was 12 or something, and there were these kids playing something, some catch game with a large ball. Even though I tried to, I couldn't get myself incorporated into the group, it was like I was either ignored or my presence was a bother.
There are other similar smaller instances like this I'm starting to remember too, where I would get told no to something I was curious to partake in, like this one person on a school bus ride home who had this electronic word games thing, and wouldn't let me try it out.
The cumulative similarity of these experiences sticks with me as I think about all this.
Rejection is my life.
My bar is set so low that almost anything can be seen as even somewhat adventurous. Even just checking out some town or location I've never gone to is intriguing enough for me.
Nope, I'm doomed to a life of mediocrity and dullness.
You would think with reading this post, it sounds like something written by an obnoxious 12 year old or something who wants people to do things with him.
...I'm 34.
PS: Yes, I'm fully aware that there are multiplayer online things available, even in that 51 Board Games game on the switch. But that's nonetheless faceless online players you don't converse with and don't know. And I don't know if that's enough to what I truely desire. Maybe if it was a group of MFGGers who all know who I am and not just some random people, it could be something more meaningful.
*When I say no friends, I mean that yes, there are people I talk to on a semi-regular basis, primarily at my job, depending on who is there and what my mood is. But none of them are on a basis where I would feel comfortable doing things outside the normal sphere with. It doesn't help that I'm a slight bit autistic, just enough where I just feel unable to really dive in.